I'm tired of the constant pain. I get up in pain, I try and keep up in pain and I go to bed in pain. Makes it hard to think at times. I also sleep like crap these days. Nightmares of epic proportions. Being chased by a monster wielding a flame sword, get hit with it and wake up feeling like my skin is on fire.
Other nightmares too, always with pain and when I wake up, there it is. Why bother getting up
I went to see my neurologist today. My EI ran out last Monday and I still don't have a job, and anyway, not like I could keep up with a full time job. I wash dishes and I'm done for the next 3 hours.. woot! Everything exhausts me. I know a lot of the exhaustion is because I"m not sleeping well. I've started taking gravol to help me fall asleep. It sort of works, but it also leaves me feeling fuzzy when I do wake up and that's with a headache as well. Gotta love that. Anyway, he is writing a letter for EI to advise them I'm not in shape to work and that I am in the process of applying for ODSP. Which I have to do asafreakingp and I need a family doc for that. It's reached a point where I can't afford to wait for a doc that's nearby anymore. So later today (nov 3) I'm calling and hope to set an appointment asap.
He told me that it should go well. He has other patients who only have diabetes and they are on ODSP. He figures with what I have, the biggies, COPD, IBS, diabetes and fibro, I should be more than qualified to get in. And from what he's told me, it sounds like it would really be a good thing since I wouldn't have to pay for meds anymore and I'd receive assistive devices so I don't end up falling flat on my face. And I would also be able to take on a bit of work here and there when I feel able to which again would be nice. I don't see myself sitting day in day out on the couch for the rest of my life.... .which right now looks pretty bleak.
I remember thinking to myself last year that I would love nothing more than to have time to do crochet and knit. Guess that's what's happening now, but wow, at what price though. Not sure if that's a good trade off...
At this point, I'm just thankful that he's willing to help me get what I need.
I just wish my husband was more able bodied to help with stuff around the apartment. But with his chronic kidney stones he's pretty well in pain 24/7 as well, so not gonna happen. :(
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